So far, so good.

July 22, 2008 | 2 Comments

I just got back from Iowa City; here’s the latest:

The gynecology oncologist that I saw (Dr. David Bender) was extremely knowledgeable and we established a very good rapport right away. After giving me a thorough physical exam he said that I don’t have any structural abnormalities (no palpable masses, etc.) and everything with my blood work checked out fine. But that still leaves the matter of the pre-cancerous cells that need to be dealt with and we’ve decided to take a conservative approach based on the facts we have right now. Mind you, once he gets the complete pathology reports the plans might change, but we’ll cross that bridge if we come to it.

Details:

1. I am scheduled to see him again on August 5th to review the reports.

2. If the results *do not* show progressive cancer cells, I will be prescribed a higher dose of progesterone hormones (megestrol acetate) to substantially reduce the endometrial lining of the uterus. After 3 months on that medicine, the doctor would do an inpatient D&C in order to completely remove the lining. That procedure will eliminate the pre-cancerous cells and allow me to start with a “clean slate”, so to speak. I would then have to have regularly scheduled biopsies afterwards just to keep an eye out for any changes.

3. If the results *do* show progressive cancer cells, I’ll have to have sonograms and a bunch of other tests to pinpoint the problem and most likely a complete hysterectomy as soon as possible.

I am feeling pretty confident that everything will turn out ok in the end. If it doesn’t, that just means it’s not the end!

Right now I am just very tired from the stress of the unknown and the lack of deep sleep - and of course, venturing onto an overwhelmingly HUGE teaching hospital campus that is like a bustling city within itself. Seriously, I ended up paying for valet parking because all three ramps within walking distance of the office were completely full.

At least next time I will know exactly where I am going; that will cut down a lot stress right there.

So, that’s the latest. Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and for sending positive energy my way. I could really feel it. It kept me warm as I sat in that cold exam room wearing nothing but a nervous smile and a flimsy cotton gown.

Love to all,

Filed Under The Scoop

Information sandwich. Mmmm.

July 17, 2008 | 7 Comments

When I was in school, I learned the “sandwich” technique of broaching sensitive subjects - you know, where you have a light-hearted intro, then the main topic you’d rather not discuss, followed by a positive close. This was a good thing to learn, because as most of you know, I tend to just get right to the point without mercy - which blind-sides people at times. (Hey, bluntness is a virtue in my book and I don’t like to waste time pussyfooting around.)

Ok, here we go with today’s menu: A big, hastily-made sandwich, loaded with non-sequiter.

Hehehehe… I *love* Mutts Comics.

**************

(Aright, now insert clumsy segue here…)

My doctors and I have been getting to the bottom of my Crimson Tide issues. Last week I had a biopsy done to my uterus and they found numerous pre-cancerous cells. The medical term for the condition is called “complex atypical endometrial hyperplasia” and as far as hyperplasias go, this is the one you don’t want to have.

Not to get all dramatic here, but 20-50% percent of the women diagnosed with this are found to have invasive malignant cancer growing once the doctors get in there for a good look around. My local gynecologist (whom I absolutely love, adore and trust with the care of my body parts that I absolutely love and adore as well) is recommending a complete hysterectomy as soon as possible. He has referred me to a gynecology oncologist so we can learn more.

So. I am scheduled to go Iowa City next week for more tests and exploratory stuff and whatever is learned will decide the next step.

Besides the initial mention of the dreaded “cancer” word, the timing on this could not be more inconvenient. Jer and his sister are leaving for RAGBRAI on Saturday and they will be gone on the bike ride for the entire week. I’ve told him that I want him to go (in fact, insisting that he does), but I would leave the decision up to him. Thankfully, he and Linda have decided to go ahead as planned, which is a huge load off my mind. He’s been training SO hard for a whole year and there’s no way I want to be the rain on that parade!

I don’t know how to explain it other than to say that if he canceled the trip it would be more stress inducing and would invite such levels of unhealthy guilt - both of which are things I don’t need, now or ever.

Frankly, my intuition is telling me that the timing is perfect - it just doesn’t seem that way when human-made schedules are involved. I feel in my heart that I’m supposed to experience this part of the journey on my own because I am going to learn a lot and I would be too distracted if others were included.

So, that’s that. I will let you all know how the next round of tests go, ok? Send me some good energy if you can spare some.

**************

(Insert second clumsy, segue here.)

Hey, it’s my sandwich! And Swiss cheese is my favorite.

~ xoxOXox

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Fortunately, I never give up.

July 12, 2008 | 2 Comments

I really don’t know what my problem is, kids. I cannot focus on *anything* anymore. It’s driving me bat shit crazy.

Just when I think I am starting to concentrate and get things done - POOF! - I am either interrupted or I remember something else I need to do right away and try to tend to it. I am starting to wonder if it’s due to getting older. I mean, I recall turning 40 and having my eye doctor tell me that it is normal for vision to start to decline around that time. Is there a certain age when your brain just starts to hit the skids and you walk around like a doofus for the rest of your days?

Heaven help me if that is the case, because we all know that I never had far to go to reach Queen of the Doofi status in the first place.

Maybe it’s apathy. Or my meds. Or too much stuff going on at once. All I know is that my brain feels discombobulated.

I think it all started this spring with the tornadoes and flooding. (Freakin’ scared the shit out of me; I know people who lost everything - one family in the Parkersburg tornado, and two families in the floods.) Every time we get a bad storm I keep thinking a funnel cloud is going to drop out of the sky and land right on our house. Odds are it won’t, but ya never know.

Then when I visited my sister it took me about a week or two to mentally settle back in here.

Just in time for my parents to visit.

Which took another week or two to mentally settle in again afterwords.

And then learning this Mac, which I love, but oh my god - I swear I tried to close the screen on the upper right hand side at least eleventy-thousand times before I got the hang of it and started looking in the upper left corner. And I know I invented new curse words as I figured out how to navigate and learn the language of the system. (Nasty Mac-Fuckinstein… that’s the name of my machine, dontcha know.)

Did I mention the peri-menopause thing yet? I didn’t? Well, let me tell you, it sucks big, hairy, hot-flashing donkey balls, my friends. I’d avoid it if I were you.

(You fellas might want to tune out right now while me and the girls commiserate.)

To further illustrate the situation, let me just state that the University of Alabama no longer owns the moniker “The Crimson Tide”. Yes, it is that bad. Like for an entire month and a half. If this continues, I advise all of you to invest your money in feminine hygiene products, because you’ll make a killing in that market, just off of ME.

Come to think of it, why aren’t we all investing in that stuff anyway? It’s always going to be a necessity.

Oh wait, we can’t invest in the Tampon Futures Market because we’re spending all of our !@#$% money on the Tampons NOW Market.

Gawd.

***************

In national news:

Gas prices. Crappy presidential candidates. General government ineptitude. Christie Brinkley’s ex-husband is a pervert. Younger Spears wench popped her critter. Jesse Jackson wants to cut off Obama’s nuts.

That about covers the “vital” information for now.

*sigh*

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Muttering matters.

June 28, 2008 | 6 Comments

I say … and you think … ?

1. Loneliness :: There are worse things. Like being surrounded by asshats.
2. Traffic :: Rush hour
3. Chaos :: Rush hour traffic, surrounded by asshats
4. Burp :: Tupperware - the burp is patented, you know!
5. 500 :: Indy
6. Movie :: The Goonies
7. Coma :: Me? No hope? Pull the freakin’ plug.
8. Bark :: Woof!
9. Stare :: Impolite.
10. Angelina :: Brad’s old lady.

I’d blather on a bit more, but my mind is overly-full and nothing will come out in a coherent manner.

I think I forgot my meds. Not good.

(Go take yours now before you forget, too.)

~ XoxoxXXoo

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Very timely.

June 27, 2008 | 1 Comment

George Carlin’s Views on Aging

“Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

“‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m four and a half!’ You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.

“You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

“‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m gonna be 16!’ You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

“But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re just a sour-dumpling… What’s wrong? What’s changed?

“You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

“But wait! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

“So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and make it to 60.

“You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

“You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; ‘I Was JUST 92.’

“Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. ‘I’m 100 and a half!’”

Well, may we all make it to a healthy 100 and a half.

Now…

HOW TO STAY YOUNG:

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay ‘them.’

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3.Keep learning! Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s family name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips.. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

Ohhh, look… an opportunity!

I love you all.